=============================================================================== The Peak Simon Fraser University's Student Newspaper since 1965 =============================================================================== Simon Fraser University | Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada V5A 1S6 e-mail: peak@sfu.ca | phone: (604) 291-3597 fax: (604) 291-3786 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume LXXXVII, Issue 10 -- July 4th, 1994 -- -- Features -- ******************************************************************************* Rainbow of Restroom Revulsions By Jeff Meszaros ******************************************************************************* Some people write on the bathroom walls because, as children, they weren't allowed to play with wads of their own feces. Some people write on bathroom walls because they want to rebel and find that vandalizing a restroom is much cheaper than a tattoo and a motorbike. Others write on bathroom walls because they are just really, really mad and happen to have a pen. These are the theories proposed by noted psychologists Ernest L. Abel and Barbara E. Buckley. In their book The Handwriting on the Wall, they propose a great many explanations for bathroom commentaries. They do not, however, catalog the many different kinds of graffiti there are -- and yes, Virginia, there are many different kinds, each left by a different kind of graffiti fiend. One need look no further than the walls of our own university's washrooms to see the rainbow of restroom revulsions. First, there are the budding comedians and poets who take it upon themselves to provide quality entertainment in the toilet stalls. Take for example, the reminder in AQ 216 to "be like Dad, not like sis, lift the lid, when you take a piss," or the heart-felt ode in AQ 3007, "O Excrement, Drop swiftly and whole, Exit this vile cold cell." There are, however, other less poetic people who have written for an entirely different purpose, either to warn us that "crab lice pole vault" (AQ 3157) or that they "just shit on the seat" (AQ 3123). Overall, however, these are the least disturbing examples of SFU's graffiti. On a slightly more dysfunctional level are the politicians who use the restroom as a silent podium for their often politically incorrect ideas about how the world's authorities should work. For example, in AQ 216 someone writes that "if the janitors don't like it, move to fucking Mexico", and that "Unions are the babies that whine for more when already given enough." Continuing, we find someone who thinks that "for an institution of higher learning this place sure has too many bigots" (AQ 216). On a different level, in AQ 3123, someone says flat out that "Saywell fucked us." As an offshoot of the politician-type is the motto-writer -- a person who scrawls words to live by on bathroom walls. Not uncommon are messages such as "Love" (AQ 216), "safe sex" (AQ 3006), or "Embrace Flower Power" (Pub) but, just the same, there are some "interesting" slogans to find. Someone in AQ 3158 for example, tells us to "ban testosterone" and in Lib 307 someone has scratched "smile before you die" into the wall. In AQ 2007 someone wrote, "Land of the free, home of the brave" and right under is appears a rebuttal: "Land of the thief, Home of the slave." Similarly, in the Pub's washroom someone scrawled, "The Price of Freedom is Vigilance." What do all of these have in common? Answer: The people who write them don't seem to realize that, in the same way that I do not excrete my waste matter into the I Ching, I do not look for words of wisdom in the fecal philosophies of AQ 3006. Amidst the madness of the motto-writers though, one kind of porcelain proverb shines out in particular -- the religious moral maxim. We are called "sinners (AQ 3018) and told to "give our love to Jesus: (Lib 307) because "Jesus is lord" (AQ 3141A) and, of course, sees all those naughty things you are doing in the bathroom. I separate this species of adage because, unlike others, this one actually belongs in the crapper. Moving on to the more nasty kinds of graffiti, we find the category of the sexually repressed maniac. This type is easily identifiable. It begins with a completely obscene statement about someone who "sux cox for wooden nickels" (AQ 2123) or who will gladly "get down and eat pussy" (AQ 3007). This is often accompanied either by a helpful illustration or a phone number. Don't be too surprised when I tell you that is the one kind of graffiti that is usually only found in the men's washrooms. (You may be wondering exactly how I got into women's bathrooms to find all this out. Well, let me just say that, in addition to being a crackerjack investigative journalist, I am also a master of disguise!) Then, of course, we have hate graffiti. Everywhere you look, people are getting called "fags" (AQ 3007), "dykes" (Pub), "chinks, pakis, niggers," (AQ 216) and "privileged white boys" (AQ 2007). In every stall, on every wall, someone has written something homophobic or racist. After all this, I really wasn't too surprised to find a swastika scratched into the wall of AQ 3157. Many times graffiti will provoke the people reading it to respond. As one can imagine, hate graffiti often draws much commentary. Essentially though, any opinion or strong statement can incite responses. After all, when someone writes that they are "in love and lust with their best friend" (AQ 3018) people will invariably respond. Sometimes the responses draw responses themselves -- creating a chain of comments wherein one can read heated debates about homosexuality, politics, and hockey. The debate phenomenon also frequently happens when someone puts something up in the bathroom stall. Stickers for Vancouver Rape Relief and WAVAW (Women Against Violence Against Women) pepper the women's washrooms and, very frequently, they are torn down or written over . Here the chain of responses begin. Women write that " there is no relief from rape" (AQ 3006) and that "putting up stickers is not the solution" (K 956). This, of course, then incites someone else to respond that writing on bathroom walls "makes people question your credibility" (K 956). This too will draw a response and that will inspire another and off they go, writing the script for the Geraldo Show on the wall of a toilet stall. Frequently, however, like Geraldo himself, these arguments can often make little or no sense. After all of this, though, I am left with that ever-present question: Why do people do this? Surely they don't expect to be taken seriously, do they? After all, when was the last time anyone honestly and truthfully considered an opinion they found scratched into the side of a toilet? But, then again, some questions surrounding human behaviour are best left unanswered. Some people listen to bagpipe music. Some people eat broccoli. Some people write graffiti on bathroom walls. Why do they do it? Well, I don't know. I've heard it's a substitute for playing with their feces. That explanation sounds good enough to me.