...and along came a spider
Chad Leaman

Personally, I think I can say "I've learned a lot of things in university." This education has cost me a great deal, including but not limited to the minuscule amount of money I've ever possessed.

But the best thing hasn't been the classes, profs, or the new edition textbook that is a replica of the previous one, complete to every detail excluding the purchase price. What's been great for me is the enlightenment in regards to multiple issues: right wing's control on media, cool posters being turned into a highly profitable industry simply due to demographic-specific advertising, and of course, the realisation that SFU likes to shit down their students' throats.

We've all had our crappy experiences here at SFU, and I'm here to share mine. You see, besides work and school, I run a pop-culture critique Web site (the URL isn't important because this isn't a publicity stunt *cough*BigMeats.net*cough*). I was running the Web site off of my home computer, and on it was a Muppet video called "Mahnamahna" available for download. Using the Web space every SFU student is entitled to, I put this Muppet video on my SFU account and shared the link with my readers, allowing everybody to indulge in the joys of the Muppets.

As the months passed, my Web site's popularity increased. In the last two weeks of September, this video averaged 7 gigs of traffic a day - for the non-geeks out there, that's a bloody lot, and that kind of bandwidth most likely slowed your campus connection. Sorry about that.

Don't fear readers, rogues like me do not escape the ever-extending power of SFU. I received an e-mail from Peter Van Epp, telling me that my Web space had been made inactive due to the costs I was inflicting on the school. Using humour to break the ice, I replied with an e-mail saying, "Way to discourage your students - Hey, be successful and we'll shut your ass down. =] Actually, it's no big deal." I went on to say, "Understandably that's a lot of traffic, and thanks for hosting the video until now: it's done me good. Take care."

I thought that would be the end of the situation; but if it was, then I'd not be sharing my tale with you. Van Epp replied with yet another e-mail, saying, "They tell me your traffic level would bill out in the range of $2000 per month, so if you are interested I can have them arrange to give you a quote ... and you can arrange a payment method and re-enable your Web site." Sounded like a rather pompous threat to me, and one that I was foolish enough to reply to. I sent a short email, telling Van Epp to relax, and regrettably, the recommendation to "remove your head from your ass."

Since that comment, my SFU e-mail hasn't worked and I'm unable to use a campus computer. I've had a couple of meetings, scheduled during my class hours, informing me that there will be more meetings to get my account back. Some people I've talked to outside of administration inform me that my dilemma isn't infrequent - the staff at the MCF have called the event "being Van Epped" due to its consistent occurrence. Apparently, if I wish my account to be reactivated, I'm to meet with the Dean of non-Academic external affairs or something: I don't know the details because it doesn't really matter. There are other ways for me to get the academic information I need, so I'm not going to continue to jump through these hoops. However, the principle at hand seems a tad absurd: a personal argument between myself and a staff member of this school has resulted in the suspension of my computer account.

I'm not saying my comments were justified or even wise, but the measure taken only escalates the situation: the argument was regarding my Web space, and should have been confined to that. I've complained about my phone bill too... I wonder if Telus is going to disable my phone service?

Here's a more applicable example: I wonder if SFU President Stevenson lost his computer privileges when he wrote, he "would avoid this appointment [of Noble] like the plague." The one thing I've learned about this whole scenario: I'm the one with my head up my own arse. It doesn't matter that I've apologised for my comment. It doesn't matter that I was defending myself from a power-starved employee. For the record, I think these drastic measures go to show that Van Epp truly does have his cranium snuggly fit in his rectum - but that's no longer the issue. The issue at hand is that I have not learned one small but important lesson: an idiot will be destined to repeat their mistakes.

That idiot is me, and my mistake is the inability to keep my mouth shut. By telling you all about my plight, I'm most likely making the same mistake again: I'm sure this "Last Word" is only going to cause me further hardship.

Luckily, I still have a home computer to type this up with, and other e-mail accounts to tell people off with. But what I don't have is the direct accessibility to my education.

I got in the face of a worker after being intimidated by him, and now all attempts will be made to thwart my academic career. So whatever you do, don't be like me. Don't stand up for yourself. Don't go word for word with a person who has power over you. Just toe the line, keep your head down, and do your best not to be noticed. That's what I've learned at SFU.

[ The opinions presented here are the author's, and do not necessarily reflect those of The Peak. This space is here for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Articles should be 1000-1200 words. For more information, call our Features Editor at 291-4630 or e-mail features@mail.peak.sfu.ca. Say anything, the last word is yours! ]

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