JAKARTA € The people of Indonesia have spoken.

Months of rioting in the streets of Jakarta, Indonesia's capital, have convinced Indonesia's top lawmakers and parliamentary leaders that Canada's Prime Minister Jean Riel Cretin must stand trial for genocide.

BJ Kebob, Indonesia newly elected president, stunned the world yesterday by announcing that he was sending special paramilitary troops to Canada to escort the Canadian leader to a waiting jail cell in Jakarta.

Kebob convened an emergency session of parliament to resolve the 4-month old crisis throughout the vast archipelago of Indonesia.

The majority of people in this nation demand that Cretin serve time for supporting the dictatorship of former president Suharto.

Suharto ruled Indonesia for over thirty years and is held responsible for invading neighbouring countries, ordering the murder millions of people and a rule of terror that was made possible by financial and military aid from Canada.

Cretin denies involvement with Suharto. Cretin adamantly refuses to reveal what relationship he had with former president Suharto.

"I 'ave no blood on my 'ands," Cretin said today from his fortress-like home on Sussex Drive in Ottawa.

Surrounded by former members of Canada's elite paratrooper regiment, Cretin is barricading himself behind sandbags and newly renovated command outpost.

"No one will take me from 'ere. I ham hinnocent." said Cretin, his upper lip trembling.

No one on parliament hill knows what will happen in the next few days. Ottawa is deserted. No one wanted to comment on the result of the impending invasion-size force from Indonesia.

One Ottawa simple servant who asked not to be named suggested that the news has changed immediate priorities and plans for the country.

"Fuck the Y2K thing." said the blunt policy-wonk, "When the Indonesians arrive we'll be digging trenches and digging graves. We're not ready for this. We're a nation of computer terminal office goons. Our military is not equipped for repelling invasions."

This terrible situation began one-week ago when Indonesia requested Cretin's arrest and extradition. Prime Minister Cretin was vacationing in Bali, a resort island in Indonesia's archipelago.

He was whisked away by CSIS back to the safety of Canada's arctic north. Now, merely one week later, the Indonesians are sending battleships north, and flying in commandos and a large invasion force to subdue all of Canada - in a so-called humanitarian mission to arrest war-criminal Cretin.

Is it the end of the world, or just the end of Cretin's reign of terror?

[back to the top]

[back to issue 0]