This week's "More Than Just a Pretty Face" is Professor George Bowering. Dr. Bowering has been teaching at Simon Fraser for 25 years now, and he's had the anniversary dinner and the tacky SFU memorabilia to prove it.

Until recently, he carried a very distinctive briefcase, covered in stickers from various places and of assorted athletics teams; something that made him easier to recognize than the way that the english department's web page describes him: "involved in Canadian and American Literature and Contemporary Avant-Garde." (Try finding that in a crowd!). He has also received the Governor-General's award.

He describes himself as either a writer or a professor, depending on the circumstances; writer if applying for a visa to go to Europe, and professor if the application is for a credit card (because that's the profession with a regular pay cheque attached to it).

When he's not working, he would like to be playing. Fishing and hanging out at a cabin would be wonderful, but he neither fishes nor owns a cabin. Like any good boy from the Okanagan, he likes to play baseball in the summertime. He gets out to readings that interest him, but his reaction to my question about poetry slams made it clear that he isn't impressed by the competitions.

Maybe he doesn't like poetry slams because he doesn't like the idea of someone getting beaten. This may stem from his childhood when Bowering was beaten by a girl. Playing in the yard one day, the foot of the girl next door connected with the nose of Bowering's face. It was the first of four broken noses.

My goofy questions revealed that Professor Bowering is both a total card and a slippery fish. He has words of advice for english majors that rival the wisdom W.S. Burroughs passed on to young people, yet I couldn't persuade him to speculate on the ending of "The Lady or the Tiger."

Q. If Ernest Hemingway and Henry James had a boxing match, who would win?

A. Hengway would slaughter Henry James because James was older and fatter, and he's a big sissy.

Q. The lady or the tiger?

A. Well, there's no 1:1 correlation between stories and reality. Stories aren't their own world, stories are just another thing in the world, so there wasn't any door, there wasn't any choice and there was neither the lady nor the tiger.

Q. Favourite sticker on your briefcase?

A. I've just gotten rid of my old briefcase, but my favourite sticker was probably the coat of arms of Triest, it's a red heart with a white fleur de lis on it.

Q. Any parting words?

A. To all the English students: Just do your English homework, ignore all your other coursework.

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